Who You Should Listen To When Planning Your Divorce

Uncontested Divorce Mediation

Posted April 20, 2022

Getting divorced is one of those situations where it helps to have perspective. So you talk it out with people you know and trust. Maybe you have a heart-to-heart with your mother about the course of the relationship. Perhaps you sit down with your counselor or religious leader. You might have a close friend you trust with your personal feelings or a loving if pushy relative who has plenty of advice to give.

The question is: whose advice should you listen to? Talk to enough people about your divorce and you’re sure to get contradicting tips on how to cope, strategies to try, and what to expect. It’s important to know who to listen to when planning your Denver divorce mediation. These decisions can influence the rest of your life.  

Who Not to Listen To on Your Divorce

The first step is to eliminate the obvious list of people you shouldn’t listen to – no matter how well meaning or how much they love you. Sometimes the depth of their love for you is blinding to a fair and balanced perspective. Sometimes, the other person’s motivations are so blatant that they can’t be trusted.   

• Your Emotional Friends
• Your Opinionated Family Members
• Your Boss
• Your Psychic
• Your Spouse’s Divorce Lawyer

Those you shouldn’t listen to on practical divorce planning include your most emotional friends and relatives – who are great at providing emotional support but not so much on unbiased opinions. They’re on your side 100% without consideration for any other factors you might need to consider.

Watch out if your coworkers – and especially if your boss – starts to dispense divorce advice. This is often a harmless attempt to relate experiences, but sometimes family advice from work can have other motivations at play.

Finally, you should no more listen to your spouse’s divorce lawyer than you should get divorce advice from a phone psychic. Opposing divorce lawyers are – by contract – working for your spouse and not for you.

So who should you listen to when planning your divorce?

Yourself

First and foremost, listen to yourself. This may sound corny at first, until you look at the situation from a more distant perspective. This divorce is about separating two adult lives and what comes next should factor heavily in your plans. What do you want? What kind of life do you want to lead as a newly single person? How do you feel about working with your ex on a mutually beneficial divorce, or do you need more space than that?

Throughout your Denver divorce mediation, regularly “check back” with yourself. Ask yourself how you, as a solo person, really feel about the situation and what you want to see happen next. Let this bee your compass as you plan your own future.

Your Financial Advisor

Always check with your financial advisor before getting a divorce. Don’t have a financial advisor? Check with your bank about consulting on your accounts, both private and shared. Talk to someone who understands divorce finances and can help you get a perspective on how the money will split and what you’ll have to work with when the divorce is through. 

A financial advisor can help you spot holes in your plans, protect yourself from financial risk in the future, and make the best division choices for your finances when going 50/50 with your spouse in Denver divorce mediation. 

Your Doctor

Don’t forget to keep up with your health during divorce proceedings. If you start to feel under the weather or overly stressed, check with your doctor and listen to their advice. Denver divorce mediation is a stressful time for anyone which can put pressure on your immune system. Now is not a great time to be immuno-compromised so keep up with the exercise, water, and good nutrition while working out the details of your divorce.

If your doctor makes any special divorce-time recommendations like a nightly walk or a change in your medication, listen to them. This could be the difference between feeling strong after your divorce and barely making it to the finish line in exhaustion. Don’t run yourself too hard during this time, you’ll need steady energy to build the next chapter of your life.

Your Counselor or Psychiatrist

The stress from Denver divorce mediation can also affect your emotional and mental health. Few people are in a “Good” mental space when facing divorce. It is the culmination of a lot of dreams and plans being remade and turned in a new direction. Sadness, anger, confusion, or just plain emotional whiplash can leave anyone in need of support.

Do turn to your counselor, psychiatrist, or therapist. Talk to a professional about how you’re feeling and work together on a mental/emotional path forward. Address your insecurities, face the fact the unnerving impact of big life changes, and make strategies to build yourself stronger. A counselor can be a very valuable source of personal advice during Denver divorce mediation, even if they have no legal or financial advice to offer.

Your Level-Headed Friend

Many people turn to their friends during Denver divorce mediation, needing that personal support from someone who knows them well. There are two kinds of friends when it comes to divorce advice. There are emotional friends who just want you to be happy. They are great company but not always geat sources of level-headed advice. Then there are your calm friends who quietly think through your situation and talk out the possibilities.

Your level-headed friend may well be a good resource to you during this time. If you have someone at home who you can bounce ideas and possible futures off of without an emotional show, they can help you build your idea of how your divorce can create a positive next chapter in your life.

A Denver Family Law Attorney

You will also need to know where you stand, legally, before filing for divorce. You may need to know what your child custody outlook is or how to handle splitting a co-owned business. In this case, consult with a Denver family law attorney. They will have the perspective and experience to help you figure out your starting point and negotiation strength as you approach the terms of your Denver divorce mediation. 

You can consult with a Denver family law attorney without committing to completing the divorce with them, giving you the ability to collect several opinions and decide for yourself who has the best advice to listen to for your personal divorce and post-divorce plans.

Your Divorce Mediator

Finally, you can listen to a divorce mediator. Divorce mediation works with both spouses to find the best middle-ground solution to every term in the divorce agreement. A divorce mediator always has your best interests – and the interests of the whole family – at heart when working with you. You can trust their advice to guide you in the right direction for practical and mutually beneficial divorce planning.

Here at Split Simple, we help Denver spouses achieve collaborative and productive divorces. You can trust our divorce mediators to have good advice for your divorce every time. Contact us today to consult on building your divorce through divorce mediation and a positive outlook on your life’s next chapter.