What Not to Do When You’re Getting a Divorce: Six Must-Remember Tips

Uncontested Divorce Mediation

Posted June 8, 2022

If you’re getting ready for a divorce, no doubt you’ve read a million friendly tip lists on what to do. How to prepare your paperwork, who to talk to, and how to keep taking good care of yourself are all great tips. There are helpful strategies and warm words of encouragement to help you get though this tough time.

But we also know that divorce is a chaotic and emotional time. A lot of crazy ideas can pop into your head for how to react to the situation, how to feel better, and how to feel nicely in control of the situation. So before you find yourself doing anything expensive, loud, or drastic, Remember these six essential things not to do when you’re in the process of Denver divorce mediation – no matter how good an idea they may seem like at the time.

Don’t Sell Everything on eBay (or burn it down) and Move to the Coast

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Your marriage, your home, and all the stuff inside your home feel pretty synonymous sometimes. It’s not uncommon to have the desire to sell everything you own and just walk away clean -financially and emotionally. You may also have the urge to sell all your ex’s stuff and purge them from your life. You may also know that eBay auctions can be extremely fun, if that’s your kind of recreation.

This can make a very dangerous combination and we absolutely advise that you Do Not impulsively (or methodically) sell all your possessions (or all your ex’s possessions)  – or that you spontaneously cut all ties and move to the coast if you’re feeling some pressure right now. 

This is partly because any drastic actions regarding the family finances or assets can cause account friezes designed to protect spouses from vindictive divorce spending and other harmful actions that can be done right before separating shared finances. If you don’t want to get flagged as the vindictive party, hold off on those eBay auctions and beach house tours until the Denver divorce mediation is complete.

Don’t Take Yourself on a Lavish Vacation (just yet)

When you’ve been through a harrowing personal experience and feel you’re ready to emotionally come out on the other side, going on vacation can be a good idea. However, remember that financial hold policy. If a divorcing spouse is even suspected of being about to spend all the shared money before it can be split, accounts freeze and other negative consequences ensue. 

Don’t risk it. For that emotional catharsis, take yourself to local spa instead or travel just far enough to feel ‘away’ for a few days without throwing up any big-spender red flags. You can take yourself on that lavish vacation and/or personal spa bonanza when the divorce is locked in and a little luxury is no one’s business but your own.

Don’t Buy Yourself a Ferrari, Boat, or Ski Resort (before the divorce)

Times of stress can also result in impulse spending, on large and small ticket items. But in general, don’t buy yourself anything impossibly expensive during the Denver divorce mediation process – even if your personal half of the finances might cover the cost. Just like taking that lavish vacation, it’s best to keep your spending profile low and normal during the entire lead-up to a divorce until your divorce is accepted by the court and fully finalized.

Not only is a big purchase before a divorce likely to get the family accounts and assets frozen – but your spouse might have claim to half of that sports car, boat, or property you just bought.

Don’t Get Drunk and Trash-Talk Your Ex (to just anyone)

It’s important to talk out your issues regarding the divorce. You need someone – or several someones – who you can vent to, weep and rage with, and who will listen to your highly emotional perspective with sympathy and good advice. But that isn’t just anyone.

Mutual friends may be uncomfortable getting involved. Talking to strangers can be hit-or-miss. And you absolutely do not want trash-talk your ex in front of children. This kind of stress is bad for kids who need a strong relationship with both parents and may worry that you now dislike the traits they share with your ex. 

If you don’t have the perfect confidant friend or relative to talk to, consider hiring a counselor or even seeking peer-to-peer online counseling to find someone who will listen nonjudgementally and offer practical tips on handling your situation.

Don’t Blow All Your Actual Cash on a Contentious Divorce

Another common divorce mistake is to get too focused on “winning” the divorce and accidentally spend all the money you were hoping to win on lawyers instead. A fast, practical Denver divorce mediation where compromise and simple solutions are the goal will always be more affordable than a divorce with a great deal of conflict, disagreements, and lawyer time. 

Don’t Disadvantage Your Post-Divorce Self, You’ll Need That (car, money, friend) Later

Finally, think of your future self. When you’re about to pile your ex’s things in the barbecue, about to go around that curve way too fast, or about to tell your kids how much you hate their other parent, or about to impulse-spend instead of planning for the future – stop. Breathe. Divorce makes you think and want to do a lot of crazy things. Think of your future self just a few months from now when you are financially and legally independent – free to be your new self and build the next phase of your life.

What tools do you want with you? How much cash do you want in your savings account, and which relationships would you still like to have intact? Do your future self the biggest favor you can during the Denver divorce mediation process and while you’re following every helpful checklist, also remember – in those critical moments – what not to do during your divorce.

Find Practical, Helpful, and Simple Divorce Mediation at Slit Simple

Here at Split Simple, we have honed the Denver divorce mediation process to provide each of our clients a streamlined and simple solution to divorce. Contact Split Simple today to consult on how just two, four, or six hours of divorce mediation can help you achieve a high-quality divorce agreement that is built with your future self in mind.

Split Simple

1624 Market Street #202

Denver, CO 80202