What are Your Reasons for Divorce and Mediation? How to Set Your Goals
Uncontested Divorce Mediation
Posted November 6, 2024
Getting divorced takes a lot of planning. A Denver divorce mediator can help you walk through each step of the planning and negotiating process, but there are still several things it helps to have prepared before you step foot in the mediation room. You’ll likely want to gather your paperwork regarding finances, assets, and personal information. You may have some idea about the agreements you want to reach with your spouse and the terms you want to ask for in negotiations.
As professional divorce mediators, we’ve also found that it truly helps to have a few goals for your divorce outcomes in mind.
Building uncontested divorce negotiation goals can help guide your discussions and reach the solutions that provide the most satisfying outcome. Every person and family is unique, and you can prepare for a uniquely positive result from your Denver divorce mediation by considering your goals before your first meeting.
Asset-Related Divorce Goals
The first step is to determine the best way to split your assets. While you can split everything down the middle, a Denver divorce mediator can often help you find a more practical and beneficial way to split existing assets to reduce hassle and set both parties up for a smoother, independent life when the process is complete.
Questions to Ask:
- What assets are outside the marriage?
- What do you and your spouse own together?
- What is the easiest way to separate your assets fairly?
- How can asset separation leave both spouses well-established for a new life?
Identify and Isolate Personal Assets
Personal assets include anything owned by either spouse outside of the marriage. This includes pre-existing property (like a car, house, or stocks owned before you got married), inheritance, and personal gifts. Most keepsakes from family members, for example, are personal assets.
Take time to list all personal assets and isolate items, property, or financial assets that are not part of the marriage. This will simplify separating shared assets, and help you feel confident about personal property.
Split Shared Assets in the Most Practical Manner
Your mediator can help you avoid unnecessarily awkward splits. For example, there’s usually no need to put a retirement account in jeopardy by opening it early to split the contents when other assets can be separated to even the balance instead. Each spouse may take the car they drive most instead of selling to split the proceeds, and things like checking or savings accounts and some investments are the easiest to split.
Set Up Both Ex-Spouses for a Financially Independent Life
Make sure that the way assets are split leaves both parties able to live independently. For example, “taking the house” without financial assets can leave someone unable to pay the bills on their own. But splitting the cars and savings accounts can leave both parties with transportation and a nest egg to restart with.
Sell or Buy Out the House
If you own a house (or other property) together, determine whether it’s better to sell the house and split the proceeds or for one spouse to buy the other out of joint ownership. Remember to calculate for expenses like mortgage, property tax, utilities, and maintenance.
Child Custody-Related Divorce Goals
If there are children between you and your spouse, planning for a practical and family-supportive child custody agreement is essential. A Denver divorce mediator can walk you through how to prepare for shared parenting in both the immediate and more distant future. Consider the importance of parenting time, stability, and flexibility as children grow up and circumstances change over time.
Questions to Ask:
- Where will the children live?
- What school(s) will the children attend after the divorce?
- How can you provide stability for children with split custody?
- Will one spouse need financial support to play an equal role in the family?
Determine a Fair & Functional Shared Custody Agreement
Considering both parent’s schedules and capabilities, build a custody agreement that provides fair parenting time with the kids. Ideally, your custody agreement will allow both parents to have family time and time to themselves, providing each other support while building an encouragingly stable structure for the children.
Keep the Kids in the Same School/House/Routine
Many parents want to keep their children’s situation as stable as possible. This means you may prioritize keeping your children in the same house (some parents even switch out instead of either taking the house), in the same neighborhood to be near friends and school, or maintain a familiar routine that is uninterrupted by divorce.
Build a Flexible Custody Schedule
Your custody agreement should include room for schedule flexibility. What if your child takes up an extracurricular activity that impacts your Thursday Night parenting time plan, or starts occupying their weekends? What if one or both parents experiences a work schedule change or needs flex time due to busy and slow seasons in their industry? A good custody plan is both fair and flexible.
Determine if Child Support or Spousal Support are Necessary
If one spouse makes significantly more than the other, child or spousal support may be called for. This can be true even with an evenly split parenting plan so that the children do not experience a drop in life-quality when with the lower-earning parent.
Develop a Co-Parenting Plan
Divorce legal counsel can also walk you through the basics of building a co-parenting plan that will help you continue raising your kids as a team, even if your lives are otherwise successfully separated.
Personal Divorce Goals
Lastly, consider what your personal goals may be for divorce negotiation. Everyone has a few personal feelings when it comes to divorce, like the life you want to lead or the changes you are ready to face during and after the divorce.
Questions to Ask:
- What do you personally want from the divorce?
- What do you want your life to look like after the divorce?
- Are your goals fair to your spouse? Are their goals fair to you?
- What would make this divorce easier for you, or for everyone?
Things You Want to Keep the Same
Do you want to live in the same house, neighborhood, or city? Do you want to make sure your routine isn’t interrupted, or that your scheduled time with your children is respected.
Things You Want to Change
Consider what you might want to change. You might be looking forward to moving – a short or long distance. You might want to sell your car and buy a new one, or want to completely change your schedule and need the custody agreement to adapt to that.
Personal Motivations and Fears
If you have personal goals, motivations, or fears that haven’t been listed, don’t hesitate to tell your Denver divorce mediator. It is their job to help you translate your goals and your vision of the divorce process into a practical and uplifting reality. They can assuage or help you prevent your fears and protect your dreams as you work together on building first step toward maintaining your divorce goals.
Pursue Your Divorce Goals with Split Simple
Split Simple offers expert Denver divorce mediation services in which the goals and priorities of both spouses are taken into account. We will help you build an uncontested divorce agreement that is designed to help both parties prepare to achieve their post-divorce goals. Contact Split Simple today to schedule your initial consultation and begin the journey toward a successful divorce mediation.
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