Tips to Talk to Your Children About Divorce
Uncontested Divorce Mediation
Posted October 5, 2022
Making the decision to get divorced can be excruciating. However, when you have children, it can be even worse. Trying to figure out what is best for them can be difficult for most parents.
Most parents don’t want to give up custody, even if it is what is right for the children. A parent who works sixty hours a week is not going to be able to care for the children during the week. It is as simple as that! Setting up visitation and figuring out who gets the children when can be terrifying. Nobody wants to lose their children! They still want to be involved in their lives, no matter how much they have to fight for that.
However, before you start worrying about child custody and what is going to happen after your divorce mediation in Denver, you have to find time to sit down and talk to them about it. Here are some tips to help.
Have the Conversation Together
You both need to sit down and talk to your children about the divorce. You shouldn’t leave it on the other person, even if you are really busy at work. Instead, find the time to tell your children together.
Have a Plan Before you Start
That being said, you should never go into this talk being unprepared. You need to have a plan of what you are trying to say, before you sit down in front of your children. This is not one speech that you can make up as you go. Know what you are going to say, so that you don’t blow this talk!
Both of you need to talk about this conversation before you sit your children down. You need to know what you are going to say, as well as things that you shouldn’t say.
Don’t Blame Each Other
Too many parents pit their children against each other. However, if you want your children to have a good relationship with both of you, you need to find a way to stop blaming each other. This is essential when giving the talk. You can’t blame each other for the divorce. Even if you are really angry at your spouse, you can’t let your children know that.
Keep it Simple
Your children don’t need to know the whole story. Even if your children are a little older and realize that something is going on, keep it simple.
You are simply going through the Denver divorce mediation process because you don’t get along anymore. You can’t live in the same house together anymore. They don’t really need to know anything more than that about your relationship. In fact, you shouldn’t involve them any more than that.
Keep it Age-Appropriate
When your children are really little, a simple we don’t get along well anymore is enough. If your children are a little older, and see what is going on, you may need to talk to them a little more. Listen to your children to see how much (or how little) you should say.
Let Them Know You Still Love Them.
Many children blame themselves when their parents get divorced, and yours may also. It is important that you let them know that it is NOT their fault and that you love them more than anything. Both of you need to tell your children how you really feel.
Allow Them to Ask Questions.
Many children are going to be upset about all of the changes that are going to happen. They may have questions about whether they are going to live and who they are going to live with. They may be worried about switching schools and losing time with their friends. They may have questions about holidays and what is going to happen in the future.
If you know the answers, answer as truthfully as you can. If it is still up-in-the-air, you can let them know that! Let them know that it is hard to figure out what is best for them, so it is just taking some time to figure out what their new life will look like.
Let Them Walk Away if They Need
Your children may need some time to process what you just told them, so if they need to walk away and think about it for a while, you need to let them go. Just remind them that you will be there when they are ready to talk, as well as any time that they need you.
If They Want to Talk, Listen
Your children are going to be going through some major changes, They may be dealing with grief also. Their whole lives are going to change, and it helps to be able to talk about it. It may help them if you remind them that they can say whatever they need to, even if it is going to hurt your feelings. You just want to be there for them, in any way possible.
Contact a Divorce Mediation Attorney in Denver Today
Telling your children that you are going through Denver divorce mediation may be one of the hardest conversations that you may ever have. In fact, that is why you should have a plan. You need to know you are and aren’t going to tell your children, before you even sit them down. That being said, you shouldn’t do this by yourself. You need to have this conversation with your spouse. You and your spouse need to be united in this, because your children are really going to need you in the following months.
You should never place blame. You don’t want to ruin the relationship between your children and their other parent. Not only that, but you also need to make sure that your children know that they aren’t at fault, either. It is important that your children know that you love them and both of you are going to be there for them, no matter what happens! Answer any questions that they may have that you can. You may also need to let them walk away and collect themselves. Not everyone is going to take it well, so you may need to give your children some time to think before talking about it! Your Denver divorce attorneys at Split Simple can help you navigate these conversations 720-501-4600
1624 Market Street #202
Denver, CO 80202