How Your Kids Can Be Heard in Divorce Mediation in Denver
Uncontested Divorce Mediation
Posted September 15, 2021
Most of the time, we try to keep children out of divorce proceedings. Kids don’t need to see volatile emotions or the specifics of your split finances. They don’t need to hear the honest things you’ll say while getting to the heart of more practical divorce matters. But sometimes, kids do need to be or feel involved when their entire world is changing or is subject to change because of the divorce.
Some children want to stay out of the divorce, want to hear as little about it as possible. Some are even wise enough to wish you and your ex happier lives apart. But some children experience serious anxiety or even have very real concerns that need to be addressed as you hammer out your divorce agreement. When this happens, it’s important to have a path to involve your child or children without exposing them to anything that might be emotionally painful. Denver divorce mediation creates a safe and solution-focused environment where even your children can be heard, if necessary.
When Kids Need to Be Involved in a Divorce
It would be great if your kids could always be kept out of the divorce proceedings. But what do you do if your seven year old can’t stop crying because they are so worried about the future, or when your teen has serious concerns about how your custody plan will impact their future as young adults. In these circumstances, you may need to have a long, serious conversation with your child about the divorce, maybe many conversations, even if you would have liked to keep the entire process more isolated from family life.
In situations where your child’s concerns go beyond what can be talked out at home, divorce mediation makes it possible for them to join the conversation and voice their concerns to your mediating advisor in a safe environment.
Talk to Your Children Gently but Honestly About the Divorce
The first step is always private conversation. IF your child is overly concerned or involved in your divorce, or just very upset about it, sit down for a talk. Small children should be assured that both parents still love them dearly and that change isn’t scary. Hugs and plenty of time with both parents is important, but your child may still want a seat at the table when it comes to who they will live with and the methods you use to split custody.
Teens may need to talk realistically about where they will live, what school they will go to, and what they need to stay sane. Many teens know they are stressing out about the divorce and are more upset than they’re willing to admit. Often, teens develop extremely strong opinions about your divorce in response to these emotions and often their points are valid and worth talking about before you lock their future in stone with your divorce terms.
Invite Your Children to Write Down Their Divorce Concerns
Your kids might not need to join in divorce matters if they can write down their concerns. Ask either younger children or teens to write down their biggest concerns about the divorce and their wish-list for what your post-divorce life might be like. Your children may worry about not seeing both parents enough, or being forced to choose one parent as a favorite. They may be worried about moving away from friends, about living in a new house, or even that the cat will be lonely. Every concern should be heard and anything logistic can be taken to your Denver divorce mediator and worked into the priorities of your final terms.
Get Your Teen Involved in Preparing for Your Post-Divorce Life (Lives)
If you have a teenager (or several teens) their concerns are especially important because your divorce is shaping the circumstances of their highschool years and graduation experience. The decisions you make today can determine your teen’s grades, social success, and even the colleges they might attend.
If your teen wants to be part of the conversation about their custody, where they live, and even how you build your two separate lives, they should be heard. If your teen has something to say, invite them to be part of the planning. Depending on your teen’s personality and concerns, invite them to help with the budget, to help you conceptualize a new household, and offer them a role of responsibility as an almost-adult in your new family structure.
Ask Your Mediator to Include Your Child or Teen in One Mediation Session
If you have a child or teen that powerfully wants to be part of the divorce process or has a concern that really needs discussing, ask your mediator to include them. This can be done in-person or remotely. The important thing about Denver divorce mediation is that it creates a safe space where both spouses and even your kids can speak honestly so that your final divorce agreement creates the best future life for everyone in the family. Your mediator will let you know when a family session can occur and speak gently with your child to make sure they both feel heard and their concerns are taken into account.
Family-Friendly Divorce Mediation in Denver
Here at Split Simple, we are dedicated to helping spouses to separate with the most positive possible results. This includes the right custody agreement to best support and adapt to your children. Kids need to feel secure, children grow up, and teens need to plan for their futures. If you have a child who is highly concerned about your divorce and need to be involved in the process to feel that their future is secure, we can ensure their concerns are heard and become part of your planning priorities.
Contact Split Simple today to get started with a pre-mediation consultation. Let us know if you have complex financial or child custody issues to cover and if you suspect that your child will want to be part of one of your 2-hour mediation sessions. We will do everything we can to ensure your family is comfortable and satisfied with your Denver divorce mediation.
1624 Market Street #202
Denver, CO 80202