How to Suggest Divorce Mediation to Your Soon-to-be-Ex Spouse

Uncontested Divorce Mediation

Posted May 26, 2021

Here in Denver and across the country, most people think of divorce as an adversarial thing that happens with separate lawyers and a courtroom. We’ve seen the television divorces and maybe heard about a few friends’ difficult separations. However, most divorces in Cook County are much quieter than this. Instead of a courtroom battle, you can choose Denver divorce mediation and then file an uncontested divorce. This offers a more stable, respectful, and lower-cost option than traditional divorce methods. It also places more control in your hands, as negotiations happen in private between the spouses and mediator and aren’t ruled by a judge with the final word.

But how do you broach the subject of divorce mediation with your spouse, especially if they’re already prepped for a fight? How do you escape the tradition of hiring opposing lawyers to fight over assets? The good news is that most people are willing to consider a more peaceful option, especially when that option costs less and makes life easier.

Let’s talk about how to start that conversation and approach Denver divorce mediation as an option with your soon-to-be-ex spouse.

Say You Don’t Want to Fight

Divorce is often a difficult time that evokes both anger and defensiveness. Sometimes the best way to approach your spouse is with the white flag. While you will stand firm on your beliefs and on a fair split, you don’t want to be their adversary or to fight viciously about little stuff that doesn’t matter. Open your conversation by saying that you’re not against them. 

Make it clear that your not ‘out to get them’ with divorce terms – and that you’d like to keep it that way. So maybe there’s no need to bring opposing lawyers trained for vicious fighting into your divorce. Saying you’re not an opponent can take the wind out of their sails if your spouse was ready to fight defensively every step of the way.

Talk About a Mutually Beneficial Divorce

Introduce the idea of a mutually beneficial divorce. The document doesn’t have to be ‘you vs them’ with every clause. Instead, you could work together to build a divorce agreement that leaves each with more resources and less baggage. Ideally, your split of assets and divorce terms will help to launch both of your new independent lives.

If your spouse is willing to listen and likes the idea of a beneficial divorce, then you are on the path to an uncontested divorce filing. Denver divorce mediation starts with two divorcing spouses who both want their divorce to be well-designed more than they want to ‘Win’ by scoring points off their ex.

Introduce a Solution to Divorce Finances

If you and your spouse talk about the costs of divorce, introduce divorce mediation as a cost-saving measure. Mediation brings both parties together with a professional divorce mediator to hash out the terms. The mediator helps each pair determine what really matters and draw up a reasonable agreement that cleanly splits assets and responsibilities.

Denver divorce mediation focuses on efficiency and long-term happiness. The cost savings are twofold. First, you only need one legal and divorce professional to mediate the process. Second, the goal is agreement so no time (and money) is lost to proposals, counter-offers, and legal fighting over assets. Offer your ex a way to pay less for the divorce and reduce the stress of finding workable terms.

Propose Ditching the Two-Lawyer Plan

Hiring two separate lawyers has its purpose, but you may not need them. Two lawyers fight legally over opposing claims that cannot compromise. However, if you are OK with compromise for a better overall solution, then you don’t need to hire two separate lawyers, with separate fees, to soak up work-hours fighting over terms. What you need is one legal professional who can help you find the best terms and understand the financial/legal details of the divorce papers.

Talk to your spouse about foregoing the double-lawyer approach in favor of mediated divorce on neutral ground. Suggest both the cost savings and the reduced hassle of finding the right terms between your preferences. In many cases, your spouse will be interested in a more affordable and less confrontational option compared to traditional contested divorces.

Talk About Resolving Your Disagreements

If you and your ex are in conflict about the divorce, talk about Denver divorce mediation from this perspective. Two lawyers will fight for you each separately, racking up costs as you continue to disagree and work to find compromise solutions. A mediator’s job is to resolve those disagreements in a way that provides mutual benefit and a divorce agreement with long-term sustainability.

Point out that you’ll have to compromise on the final divorce agreement one way or another – so you might as well prioritize reaching those compromises instead of fighting about it. If you need to vent, vent. But your divorce costs shouldn’t reflect anything but practical decisions.

Explain How Divorce Mediation Works

Once you’ve opened the conversation about a more unified approach to divorce, explain what divorce mediation really is. 

Denver divorce mediation is when two spouses sit down with a professional mediator to hash out the best possible divorce. The mediator helps the pair work out their differences and identify when divorce-goals are unrealistic or even harmful – then find better options. Through a few sessions of calm discussion, the divorce mediator will help you nail down the terms that should be written into the agreement. They will make it legally valid, financially equal, and ideally balanced for two separate post-divorce lifestyles to thrive.

Today, divorce mediation can be done through video conferencing if you’re worried about meeting in person. This means that you and your spouse can hold video meetings with the mediator. The mediator will listen to both sides and explain how divorce finances and terms will really work based on your goals. Then all three of you will work out the best compromises and terms, resulting in a final document that will be filed and is guaranteed to be accepted by the court.

In other words, divorce mediation is a lot like a DIY divorce, but with the help of a mediator to keep the peace, explain the realities of divorce terms, and provide the legal guidance you need to draft a successful final document.

Talking to Your Spouse About Divorce Mediation

Most people don’t really want an angry, drawn-out, and costly divorce. While these stories are common in television drama, it’s no fun to be in the middle. Your spouse and soon-to-be Ex likely feels the same way, even if they are currently angry or insistent about divorce terms. Broach the idea of Denver divorce mediation as both a cost-savings and a stress-reducing way to reach your shared end result: A divorce you both can live with and move on from.

Contact Split Simple for Divorce Mediation Today

Contact Split Simple today for divorce mediation services in Denver, CO. We understand your needs and look forward to helping you reach that uncontested divorce that each pair needs to separate without added stress.

Split Simple

1624 Market Street #202

Denver, CO 80202

720-501-4600