How to Keep Your Dignity Intact and Aim for an Uncontested Divorce

Uncontested Divorce Mediation

Posted November 7, 2019

Regardless of how long a marriage lasts, ending it is always uncomfortable and complicated. Hurt feelings and bruised egos lead to mud-slinging and conflict that can have a lasting, negative impact on otherwise upstanding individuals.

If you’re going through a divorce, the best-case scenario for you and your spouse is to work out the issues before the court does it for you. The more you can agree on, the better off you’ll both be. But it’s not easy, and it will require a lot of self-discipline.

Get a grip of yourself as early on in the process as possible. Use the following tips to help guide you through your ordeal, keep your dignity intact, and end up with an uncontested divorce in Chicago:

Practice Self-Care

If you don’t focus, your divorce will be on your mind 24/7, and you’ll turn into an angry, bitter person who is always ready for a fight. To keep yourself level-headed and in control of your emotions, you need to make sure that you take care of yourself.

You don’t have to spend hours in a gym to clear your brain. You simply have to find the time to do activities that you enjoy and will help get your mind off of your issues:

• Relax over a cup of coffee with a colleague.
• Take a walk with a close friend or family member.
• Put aside a few minutes a day to meditate.

It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you think of something positive that will divert your attention away from what’s going on and will make you feel good. Set aside whatever “me time” you choose in your daily schedule to ensure that you keep to it. Otherwise, you’ll get caught up in your day, and you won’t remember to take care of yourself.

Avoid Negativity

Going at it with your soon-to-be-ex is never a good idea. Negativity brings out the worst in people and adds fuel to the fire. Even if your spouse deals with you negatively, the best way to respond is by being polite and civil. Hopefully, setting a good example with your actions will help calm things down so cooler heads can prevail.

Civility is especially crucial if children are in the picture. If you end up with joint custody, you’ll have to deal with your spouse for years after the divorce. While it’s tempting to initiate or respond to a verbal attack, focus on the endgame. Remember that the person you’re fighting with is your children’s parent, and you’ll need to be on good terms at some point for the sake of their emotional well-being.

Avoid Gossiping with Outsiders

It might not be easy, but you’ll be better off taking the high road by not gossiping with your friends and colleagues about the details of your divorce mediation in Chicago. If your spouse finds out you’re discussing the dispute with your acquaintances, they’ll respond in kind by talking to their people. Once your fight becomes everybody’s business, people start taking sides, the stories start to grow horns, and everyone gets hurt.

Do yourself a favor and keep your mouth shut ꟷ even if your spouse isn’t doing the same. If someone approaches you about something your ex said about you, there’s nothing wrong with saying that it’s not true or accurate, but politely explain that you don’t want to discuss the matter further. You’ll be much better off by doing so, and you won’t end up saying something that your spouse could use against you in court.

Talk to Someone You Can Trust

Choose a friend or family member, or two, who will keep what you tell them confidential, and use them as a sounding board. You’re about to go through an emotionally draining process, and you’ll need a lot of moral support. It’s unwise to go through your entire ordeal without friendly encouragement and knowing that people love, and care about, you.

Understand That Your Spouse is Also in a Bad Situation

It doesn’t matter who wanted the divorce originally, or whose fault it was that the marriage didn’t work. At this point, you’re both in a predicament. It hurts when you think that someone’s entire agenda is to inflict pain on you. If you keep in mind that not every action is meant as a slight against you, it will make it easier for you to deal with the conflict.

Think About Moving On

Don’t let every issue become an ordeal. If there is something that’s not overly important to you, just let it go. It’s unfortunate that your marriage didn’t work out, but now your focus should be on getting on with your life.

If you make a fuss about every negotiating point, your spouse will do the same, and it will only lead to more stress. If you try to be easy-going whenever you can, hopefully, your soon-to-be-ex will follow suit and the process will move along without hurting you more than necessary.

Hire a Professional Mediator Instead of Going Through the Court System

Expert attorneys are worth their weight in gold. The problem with the typical route to divorce mediation in Chicago is that each side hires a professional to represent their interests. It’s your lawyer’s job to make sure that you get the best deal possible, but he will be working against your spouse’s attorney.

When two sides of a breakup clash, it’s hard for the situation to result in an uncontested divorce in Chicago. Whether or not you’re wealthy, in most cases, there are financial or parental issues – or both – that are difficult to resolve. Experienced mediators will work for both parties at once. Their job is to:

• Advise both you about the process and how the court system works.
• Be able to resolve the Chicago divorce mediation quickly.
• Explain which issues are important and which to let go.
• Let the two of you know which battles you will win or lose.
• Deal with both party’s’ issues simultaneously to ensure that the fighting is limited and contained.

If you can get your spouse to agree, you’ll save yourself a lot of time, money, and heartache.

Contact a Professional

Split Simple has a team of seasoned attorneys who act as mediators and will represent both you and your spouse. They have helped many couples in Colorado and Illinois resolve their issues amicably. In most cases, they’re able to make an uncontested divorce in Chicago a reality for their clients.

For more information or a free consultation, call us at (855) 665-9920 or contact us online. We will help you get through this difficult time as painlessly as possible.

Two Prudential Plaza


180 North Stetson Avenue #3500


Chicago, IL 60601