Checklist of Smart Tasks Before Bringing Up Divorce to Your Spouse
Uncontested Divorce Mediation
Posted February 12, 2020
There is a big difference between thinking about getting a divorce and opening the subject with your spouse. Thinking about a divorce is a process of soul-searching and self-preparation. Actually opening that can of worms with your spouse can kick off a sequence of events that you want to be prepared for. Maybe your spouse will be calm and accepting, maybe they’ve felt this coming like you have and are ready to move forward. But there’s also a good chance they will blow up or begin taking wild actions (positive or negative) in response to the consideration of divorce.
So before you cross that bridge, there are a few things that it’s smart to take care of first.
1) Think of the Divorce Like a Business Transaction
Start by getting your head around the idea of divorce as a non-emotional process. It will be emotional. You will hurt, your spouse will hurt. You will probably fight a few times. But the decisions you make need to be made on a practical level, not an emotional one. Who gets the house, how you split the money, and your custody schedule need to be crafted with a stable future in mind. So start thinking of your Denver divorce mediation as a calm and practical business transaction. You’re splitting a once-shared enterprise into two separate household entities. The emotional implications should take a back-seat to smart decision-making, so prepare yourself to act with that in mind.
2) Quietly Collect Your Financial Documents
It’s a sad fact that many spouses go on a spending-spree or even begin stealing from shared accounts when divorce is on the table. Sometimes they overspend vindictively. Sometimes, they overspend trying to win you back with vacations and romance. Either way, you want a snapshot of your finances before anything changes.
Later, when you enter Denver divorce mediation, having a copy of all financial records including checkbooks and investment accounts can serve as proof of your finances and any negative financial impact your spouse might have in the near future. Don’t say anything, just quietly collect these records and store digital copies in a personal cloud server.
3) Inventory Your Home and Decide What Matters to You
If you’ve ever inventoried your home for insurance purposes, do the same thing now. Take a photo of everything you own, including old boxes that you haven’t opened in a while. Label the photos and think carefully about all the possessions you share with your spouse. For most people, a little consideration will reveal that you don’t actually care about most of it. The dishes, the furniture, most of your household items could disappear tomorrow and you’d only care because they’d need to be functionally replaced.
In this light, decide on the few things that really matter to you when it comes time to split up assets. Now may be a good time to pack up any truly personal items like old yearbooks and journals and store them with a friend or relative. It’s not unheard of for a divorce-resistant spouse to hold personal items for ransom so it’s best to get your keepsakes out of harm’s way.
4) Talk or Write Out Your Feelings
Don’t move forward with Denver divorce mediation until you’ve had time to work all the way around your feelings. If you have a therapist or a best friend that you trust, talk out your reasoning for the divorce and your feelings about it completely. If writing is how you organize your thoughts, spend several evenings journaling out your feelings about the decision to divorce. Just make sure your journal isn’t anywhere your spouse might happen across it or find it if casually searching your computer.
Talking or writing out your feelings can help you work past certain emotions that might get in the way and can help you clarify your strongest reasons for reaching an uncontested divorce in Denver. You may become more confident in your decision and better able to express yourself when it comes time to talk about divorce to your spouse and others.
5) Remove Yourself from Social Media
Start pulling back from social media. Divorce can create a dramatic frenzy of comments and negativity. This is both to curtail your own posting and to help you stay removed from the oncoming storm. If your spouse goes on a social media tirade, you don’t need to see that. If your friends and their friends start fighting online, you don’t need that stress.
You might quietly pull back, disable comments on your page, and log in less during this time in your life. If anyone asks, just say you’re taking a break from social media for a while. This is a normal thing to do.
6) Choose Your Support Team
Choose who you will talk to. When divorcing, everyone needs a few people they can rely on. People who will take your side and help you make decisions based on what’s best for you without worrying about anyone else. You may need a shoulder to cry on, a cool head to run ideas by, or a reliable friend to help with childcare while your household is turned upside-down. Put some time into deciding who you can trust and reach out.
7) Make a Few Back-Up Plans
You never know what’s going to happen after you bring up Denver divorce mediation to your spouse. As we mentioned earlier, they may respond calmly or they may completely freak out. For this reason, you want to have a few back-up plans ready, just in case.
Know which friend or relative you can stay with if you need to get out of the house for a few days. Know how to monitor your bank and credit accounts to watch for reactive spending. And have a Denver divorce mediator ready to meet with you if your spouse jumps in and says they’re ready to get divorced right away. Having a few plans ready for however your spouse reacts (or how you react to their reaction) can help you stay safe and practical during this emotionally chaotic time.
8) Get Yourself in Order
Finally, as you prepare to broach the subject of divorce with your spouse, make sure everything about your life is in order. Know where your birth certificate and personal documents are. Put together your resume, store your old file boxes, and sort out your finances. Make your life as neat and tidy as you possibly can so that you’re starting from an organized place when shake-up from divorce takes place.
Contact a Divorce Mediator in Denver Today
Preparing for Denver divorce mediation doesn’t have to be an upsetting process. In fact, the better you keep a cool-head, the better results you will see. This is why working with a divorce mediator is often your best choice when it comes time to decide on terms and draft your divorce documents. A mediator will listen to both sides without pushing you or your spouse to ‘get more’ from each other. A mediator will help you build a divorce agreement that will allow you and your spouse to split in a healthy and financially stable way. For more insights into preparing for divorce or to schedule your first consultation with a Denver divorce mediator, Contact Split Simple today. The Split Simple team is ready to make your divorce as easy and painless as possible.
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Denver, CO 80202