Advantages of Divorce Mediation for Fathers: Becoming an Ex-husband doesn’t Make You an Ex-father

Uncontested Divorce Mediation

Posted January 30, 2020

Divorce represents a difficult and challenging time for everyone involved. When the divorcing couple also needs to deal with the well-being of minor children, that, of course, makes the situation even more complicated.

chicago divorce mediation

Especially when the custody and support of children need addressing, men find Chicago divorce mediation more difficult and stressful than their female counterparts. Some of the reasons men find divorce, especially painful, include the following:

  • Divorced men suffer from an increased health risk, especially when it comes to long-term or chronic conditions. Additionally, men do not take their health as seriously as women do, which may result in serious health problems. 
  • Since women usually still receive primary custody after a divorce, men end up taking on the role of second-string or weekend parent. This part-time parent status, along with that of an ex-husband, leads many men to experience an identity crisis.
  • Women initiate seventy percent of divorces. Most divorces don’t stem from dramatic scenarios such as infidelity or abuse but people growing apart and changing their goals. Often, men experience surprise or shock when presented with divorce leaving them off guard and even broken-hearted.
  • Financial struggles may affect men more. Paying for lawyers, litigation, and child support often drains the ex-husband to a point where instead of living in a suburban rambler, he ends up in a two-bedroom apartment. 

Societal roles continue to change:

For years, men and women fell into their assigned roles as providers and nurturers, respectively. Men possessed the job of going out to work and paying the bills. The less assertive, but more expressive woman took care of the kids and the household. 

After women started going back to the workforce, the financial burden for men lessened. But, for many years, household and childcare responsibilities fell mostly on the woman.

But, the role of fathers continues to change swiftly. Not only do men participate more with household chores and errands, but the time they spend with their kids doubled between 1995 and 2003. Both the women’s rights movement and the attention to men’s right’s regarding Chicago divorce mediation and custody contribute to the roles of men and women in parenting becoming more similar.

Today’s father takes his place in the delivery room and continues his co-parent role throughout childhood. So, if a divorce happens, it sets the father up to maintain a meaningful relationship with the child.

In the event of a divorce, a man who already takes a significant part in their child’s life will often become a better father. An improved father and child relationship may happen because of the stress of a challenging marriage no longer exists. After the initial pain of divorce subsides, the divorced father may become happier. 

Additionally, children who grow up with the regular presence of a father experience less anxiety, possess more self-esteem, and not surprisingly, do better in school.

Mediation doesn’t play favorites:

Many men spend more time raising their children. Some of them even serve as primary caregivers as their wives go off to work. However, many of the family courts still don’t consider these social changes when it comes to assigning custody or child support.

In an uncontested divorce where both parties want the best scenario for the children, Chicago divorce mediation serves as an unbiased option to resolve the child care situation. Especially for men who wish to become more involved with raising their children, mediation represents a good option. 

Ideally, the best scenario for kids involves each parent getting an equal amount of time for parenting. In some situations, parents may continue attending events together with their kids, such as ball games and concerts in which the children take part. However, depending on the logistics and the children’s ages, sometimes spending equal time with the children doesn’t always work.

A mediator reviews the divorcing couple’s situation and develops a plan that works best for the children. Often, this strategy works to the man’s advantage as it ignores old social norms and looks at the individual situation.

How we can help:

A contested divorce or one involving arguments regarding assets or custody sets the stage for a courtroom drama. Spending time in court and paying two lawyers instead of one mediator will cost both parties a small fortune. Additionally, this courtroom scenario, even if they’re not physically present, takes its toll on children involved.

We streamline the legal process by working with both parties to come up with an agreement that works best for everyone.

Custody options:

Ultimately a judge will decide on the custody situation based on legal guidelines. The ideal scenario involves joint legal and physical custody. The child support operates according to the parent’s incomes and ensures that the children maintain the best standard of living possible that includes viable health insurance. 

Depending on the ages of the children and the logistics involved between the households, joint physical custody may or may not work out. Nowadays, the mother doesn’t automatically get physical custody if the father provides a more favorable and convenient home atmosphere. 

Mediators take into consideration that both parents want to take part in the raising of their children. The mediation process helps to set the personal feelings aside about your spouse and respect them as a co-parent. Ultimately, reaching the realization that a child does better when both parents take part accomplishes one of the goals of mediation.

Perhaps, somewhat selfishly, parents realize that if the other parent equally or near equally participates in child-raising, it gives them more time to develop other interests. An adult who gets a bit of a break and takes time for themselves will also most likely do a better job of parenting.

Remember, too, that children grow-up. Establishing a balanced working relationship with your ex as your Chicago divorce mediation will help ensure a better future in regards to taking part in your child’s adult life. Remaining constant in your child’s life represents an especially important point for men. Too often, in bitter divorces, fathers miss out on everything from weddings to relationships with their grandchildren.

Contact a Divorce Mediation Expert in Chicago Today

If you and your spouse decide to divorce, consider mediation services to make the process easier for everyone. We can answer your questions and help you take the next steps to proceed with an uncontested divorce. Please feel free to Contact Split Simple today.

Split Simple

Two Prudential Plaza

180 North Stetson Avenue #3500

Chicago, IL 60601